I remember
The fear
The threats
The psychological warfare

I even remember
Suicidal messages
Which prompted me
From care for human life
To attend, and check, and make sure
Everything was alright.

I remember
How that came back to
Bite me in court
When I was accused of unlawful entry
By the person who had terrorized me
But still, knew
That concerns of suicide
Would make me check on him.

He played a good game
It’s easy to manipulate the court system
And make it work for you

While I
Had to spend 10’s of thousands
Of dollars to refute
The claims
Far beyond that claim
Of unlawful entry
Because I responded as any caring person would
To make sure he was alive
And guide him to appropriate services
If he needed them.

The intervention order
Was another game.
Not turning up to court appearances
Knowing I was paying through the nose
With my representation
And the evidence was clear as day
To finally
In the end
Take the order without admitting
(Court talk for I’ll agree, but I won’t accept liability).

We all, in that court holding area
Heard him shout at his representation
‘But that’s not domestic violence’
However the folder,
Of evidence I had
Said differently

His lawyer must have said
‘You have to do this, or else it’s going to be
If the judge doesn’t believe you
Which she wouldn’t, given the evidence
So take it
Take admission without conviction
For your own sake.

And one thing I know
Is he likes to skate,
And likes to play
But is scared of being accountable

So he eventually took
The plea
The evidence was irrefutable

But then,
He couldn’t terrorize me,
Try and manipulate and scare me
In the ways he used to be able to
Get away with

So he played games
In family court.
Claiming certain changes had occurred
Which necessitated a review
Of the orders he’d signed off to
Less than 12 months earlier,

He knew the claims didn’t have legs
And he also knew
How important my children’s welfare was
To me

So he self represented
Because the outcome meant fuck all to him
Knowing it meant a hell of a fucking lot to me
And he played his games in court
Because he couldn’t play them in the old way

I had to hire legal representation
Because I had to ensure,
And validify
That his claims had no merit

He knew
That I would have to spend hour
Upon hour
Reading all his abusive messages
To find the facts
To defend my position

Which I did
Because my children are my life.
He knew all this
And then, conveniently decided to drop
The case against me
Just before it went before the judge.

It’s a game to him, and a game
He’s still playing.

I am only left with fighting
In the way my limited resources
Now allow.
And he knows it

But I will never give up.
I remember

Judi Reed, 2016