I miss the feel of your skin against mine
The way you used to whisper my name
When we were fucking

I miss the sounds you would make
When I was touching you
Or when you were inside me

And I miss the filthy text conversation
Always a promise of things to come
Made me smile through the day, the perfect foreplay

I miss the conversations we used to share
Intellect against intellect
A different type of stimulation altogether…

I remember when you told me
You couldn’t be with me that way anymore
And I don’t miss the way that made me feel

You showed me the respect of explaining why
Wrong time, space, and place
I understood intellectually, emotionally, that took longer

I know you weren’t just making excuses
And you weren’t just fucking me around
I believe you that it wasn’t because I was faulty or deficient

What we shared was not just about that anyway
But it was part of it
And now it’s all different

There’s a wall, which I know has to be there
A carefully regulated distance must be kept at all times
Not just physically, emotionally too

And I miss sharing that intimacy with you
On all levels
I miss knowing you want to let me near you

And even now, when I see you
It still sometimes feels
As if you’re this huge carrot dangling in front of me

I don’t usually like carrots
But sometimes I wish
I could take one more bite of you

Judi Reed, 2012