Self hatred
Self deprication
Self condemnation
Self judgement

Why does it happen?
Why does it live inside you?

You never asked for it
You never wanted it

When you were born
You were pure
And then you learned
Over the years
That you weren’t
Or acceptable…
Far far far from it.

And where does it end?
You work
And work
And work
Changing the tapes in your head
But what you thought was erased
Comes back…
Like those alleged demonic messages
If you played LP’s backwards

The message is still there…
And because you’ve fought
So hard
And feel like you’ve lost
You want to stab yourself in the guts
For being such a failure

For all your bravado,
In those quiet moments
It can still sneak up
Without warning
And cut your (new) sense of self
To pieces.

– Judi Reed, 2015