Paula and Susie had been friends for years, they went out to pubs together, and drank, smoked and gossiped – mainly about men and their relationships. Susie was in an unsatisfying on again off again relationship, and Paula was in the process of getting a divorce, and was ‘on the prowl’ as she put it. They both had so much going on in their lives that they didn’t have the chance to catch up as much as they’d like anymore. Regardless of this though, they would, without fail, meet on a Sunday night, just the two of them, at Susie’s local pub to drink, catch up on the gossip, and relax, listening to some cruisy live music. No boyfriends or husbands were allowed – past or present, no short term lovers (Paula had had quite a few of those since separating form her husband), not even male friends, it was strictly a girls night, to laugh, be silly, vent or even sometimes cry, without the pressure that invariably came with having any past or present love interests around.
It had been Paula’s idea to start doing this at this particular venue, on this particular night. It actually wasn’t just because she wanted to catch up with Susie, it also just so happened that one of the two men, Scott, who sang and played guitar there every Sunday night, had been her teenage idol. He, and the other musician, Brian, had been pretty well known on the local music scene back in the day, and Paula had worshipped Scott from afar. But she had never thought back then, even in her wildest dreams, that she would ever get to meet him, but now, here he was with Brian, doing this small regular gig in a half empty pub on a Sunday night. It was too good an opportunity to miss, so underlying her desire to catch up with Susie for their regular girly night, was the added excitement of being so close to this man she had lusted after from afar.
Susie was ten years younger than Paula, so she had no recollection of Brian and Scott being ‘big superstars’, but she enjoyed the music they played now. So starstruck Paula, and not so starstruck Susie, who found her friends infatuation with Scott quite fun, became permanent Sunday fixtures at the pub.
While the boys were playing they’d chill out and listen to the music – for Paula that meant sitting with her eyes glued to the charismatic Scott and for Susie it meant losing herself listening to the music and trying to forget all the tension and drama with her boyfriend during the previous week.
Scott was clearly the front man of the duo, loaded with charm, and an ego that clearly liked to be stroked, and Brian, well, he seemed more focused on playing his music and just appeared happy that people were listening and enjoying what he did. Susie couldn’t personally see why Paula was so enamoured with Scott, but then she knew that Paula was looking at him through the filter of when she was a smitten teenage girl, and she knew how strong memories like that could be.
Scott and Brian always had an entourage in tow, about half a dozen people who had clearly been fans for years, including a couple of women who very obviously carried a torch for Scott. In between sets the boys always went straight to their table of hardcore fans, dashing Paula’s fantasies of ever getting her chance to make Scott fall in love with her. Then one night, between sets, Susie felt Paula clutch her arm and whisper in hear ear excitedly ‘they’re coming over!’. Susie wasn’t as surprised by this as Paula, she knew that Scott could not have failed to notice Paula’s adoration, and she’d thought it was just a matter of time before he’d want to talk to Paula. She found it amusing watching how flustered and flushed her friend became when suddenly confronted with this man, who she had worshiped for years, asking if he could sit down. She giggled and gushed and he soaked up her compliments like a sponge. Brian took a seat next to Susie, and they both sat back, in comfortable silence, watching the performance between their friends.
Once the ice had been broken, they became more regular visitors to Susie and Paula’s table as the weeks went by. It always followed a similar pattern. Susie, who wasn’t a gushy starstruck type anyway, and Brain, who clearly didn’t crave the same type of attention as Scott, would look on with interest as Scott and Paula fed off each others attention.
Susie found it interesting that when she was sitting next to Brian, she didn’t feel that same compulsion that one normally does in the presence of someone they don’t know very well, to engage in social chit chat to fill the silence. She did chat with Brian sometimes, but more often than not they just sat together, occasionally sharing a smile, both completely at ease with how things were.
She often marveled at just how comfortable she felt in his company. It was so different to when she was with her on again, off again boyfriend, almost the complete opposite. He was always stressed out and getting riled by things, and she always felt like she had to be on her toes when with him. But sitting with Brian, she never felt a need to do this, it was refreshing, and she liked it.
One night Susie’s boyfriend did unexpectedly crash in on their sacred Sunday night. Although he had broken up with Susie, yet again, the night before, he had clearly changed his mind, and sat with a proprietary arm around her, glaring at any man who happened to even glance in her general direction.
He was drunk that night, as he often was, and his unwelcome presence sucked all the fun out of the evening for Susie and Paula. Susie noticed Brian watching the spectacle that her boyfriend was putting on while he was up on the small stage playing his music, and wisely Scott and Brian did not approach their table that night. She felt herself squirming inside with embarrassment when during one of their breaks they sat at the table nearby though. Susie knew they could hear the conversation between her and her boyfriend. He was big noting himself while putting her down about something, like usual, and telling her how lucky she was that he had forgiven her (for what she still didn’t precisely know) and wanted her back, which was a common script of his.
She sat at the table that night, miserable and tense, chain smoking, and desperately wishing she could leave. Sunday nights were supposed to be her special time to relax and he had tarnished this one for her. Fortunately he hadn’t liked the music, and as he usually only liked to go to his regular pub, she knew he was unlikely to turn up again. However Susie found that a profound sense of sadness lingered within her after that night. She felt like she had been exposed, and that her Sunday night haven had somehow been violated, and would never be the same again.
Prior to that night she had suspected that Brian had thought she was a pretty cool chick, confident, relaxed and self-assured, which was how she usually felt when she was there. But knowing that he had been watching and listening that awful night when her boyfriend crashed in, had left her with the fear that this illusion had been shattered, and the truth about her revealed – that she was in fact, an anxious, jittery person, whose boyfriend didn’t even seem to think very highly of her.
She was struck by these two contrasting images of herself, she knew which way she preferred to feel, and she couldn’t get past how it might have affected her Sunday night friendship with Brian now that he knew that she wasn’t so cool and together after all. This other part of herself had now been revealed, in the one place where she had felt safe and comfortable being who she thought deep down she really was and was meant to be.
However, despite her anxiety, the regular pattern was restored the next week, and much to her relief, Brian did not ask her anything or comment on what he had witnessed the previous week. Indeed he behaved like nothing at all had happened, and treated her in the same way as he had always done before, and the equilibrium appeared to have been restored.
Surprisingly though, one night a few weeks later, this predictable pattern changed. Instead of Scott and Brian waving goodbye to Paula and Susie at the end of their last set, and leaving with their entourage, as they usually did. Brian came over, and asked in his laid back, casual manner, if Susie would like a lift home. She was taken completely off guard by the invitation, partly because she only lived a five minute walk down the road which she knew he knew, but also because this seemed like such a strange and out of character thing for him to do. But she accepted, not really knowing why.
Brian’s car suited him, it was an unpretentious old brown valiant station wagon, with comfortable well worn seats. As she buckled herself in, she mused that his car must have seen some interesting things in it’s time, just like Brian had. He’d had a reputation for being pretty wild in the past, and in the height of his fame had fully embraced the sex, drugs and rock and roll lifestyle.
He didn’t say much on the very brief journey, and nor did she, she was still trying to understand why he’d made the offer in the first place. But, she figured it simply must have come as an extension of the easy camaraderie that they had come to share.
As he pulled up outside her flat, she turned in her seat to open the door, but before she had the chance to do release the catch, she felt his warm breath on her neck followed by the lightest of kisses trailing down her neck to her collarbone. The touch of his lips and the feel of his breath ignited an intense reaction in her body and her skin tingled in the wake of his kisses, but her mind simply couldn’t comprehend what was happening. The whole situation felt completely bizarre, unexpected and a little unreal. Then she felt his hand skim lightly up her thigh, coming to rest on her hip as he coaxed her to turn toward him. At the same time she felt his warm breath in her ear as he whispered, ‘Susie, I want you so much’. She felt like she was in a dream state, she had never expected this, and certainly had not prepared mentally for this possibility.
She turned towards him as his hand moved to her buttock, squeezing it gently as he leaned forward to kiss her. This action startled her out of her dreamy state, as the reality of what was happening hit her. What on earth was she doing? This was not what she had expected, and even though she and her boyfriend had broken up yet again, she knew that he would decide he wanted her back at some stage, as he always did when he broke up with her. Because of this she felt an intense sense of guilt, strongly contradicting the pleasure she was feeling. This feeling of guilt compelled her to draw back from Brian, mumble something about being sorry, and hurriedly jump out of the car.
When she was safely back in her flat and her heart had resumed a normal rhythm again, she tried to distract herself with anything she could to avoid thinking about what had happened. But when she finally collapsed into bed, her mind kept going back to those feather light kisses, the sound of his voice in her ear and the feel of his hand skimming up her thigh, and she experienced that same tingling sensation that she had felt in the car, spread throughout her body. It was so different to how her boyfriend/ex boyfriend (she still didn’t know how to think of him) did things. He was a wham bam type bloke, and this experience with Brain had been so completely at the opposite end of the spectrum, she didn’t know how to feel or what to do.
The following Sunday she was nervous about seeing Brian again, and worried about what he would have thought after her hasty exit. However, he was just the same as he had always been with her so she let herself relax. She hadn’t told Paula about what had happened as she thought she may be jealous (even though it had been with Brian and not Scott) and she didn’t want to upset her. After all it had been Paula’s dream for several decades to have something like that happen with Scott, so Susie was very relieved that everything seemed so ‘normal’ still after what had happened. But as the evening drew to a close and Brian didn’t offer to give her a lift home that night, she felt an unexpected surge of disappointment, and walked home sadly, thinking about what could have been.
Over the next few weeks she couldn’t stop thinking about the sensations Brian had aroused and she felt almost feverish with desire contemplating how that night may have ended had she not jumped out of the car. Things were going badly with her boyfriend/ex boyfriend. It had looked like they were back together again, but it only lasted a couple of days this time and she was getting so sick and tired of this never ending cycle, that she was beginning to question whether she wanted him back at all anyway. She realized that the only thing that had really stopped her from letting go with Brian that night, was the feeling of guilt regarding her boyfriend. But did he really deserve that level of loyalty from her even after he’d broken up with her? And it was then she decided that, no, he didn’t and she gave herself permission to put her own pleasure ahead of this misplaced guilt.
So, on the following Sunday, she boldly approached Brian at the end of the night and asked if he could give her a lift home. He smiled in his easy going way, and agreed. Again there was no real conversation during the two minute drive. But this time, as he pulled up outside her flat, she asked if he would like to come in.
She had barely had a chance to close the door behind them before he embraced her and kissed her passionately. As he drew back she expected him to ask her where her bedroom was, or something similar, but to her complete surprise, as they were still standing just inside the doorway, he knelt down in front of her, undid her jeans and slipped them down her legs and over her feet, so she was standing before him in her knickers. He paused and looked at her, not saying a word as he then ran his hands up the back of her thighs and began to caress her with his lips and tongue through her black lacy underwear. Susie had never experienced anything even remotely like this before but her body naturally responded to the exquisite sensation created by this erotic act. He continued to play with her with his tongue, mouth and fingers, until the crotch of her knickers felt saturated from a combination of the moisture from his mouth and the abundance of her natural lubrication. It felt as if he was worshiping her and her body, and the sensation this thought created heightened her arousal even further.
She became lightheaded from the flood of reactions his touch and homage to her body had provoked, causing her to reach back seeking the wall behind her for support. It was then that he finally, slowly, pulled her knickers down, making her gasp as she felt his warm tongue directly on her clitoris. Her legs started to buckle, but he caught her and lead her to the couch, lay her down, and continued his worship of her body.
His tongue, mouth, hands and fingers were everywhere, arousing parts of her body that she had never even realized could be aroused. She could hear her herself saying ‘oh fuck’ over and over again as these new sensations engulfed her. She tried to reach for him, feeling she should reciprocate, and make him feel as good as he was making her feel, but he wouldn’t let her, and said ‘no babe, this is all for you, just relax and let yourself go’. He placed a cushion under her buttocks to lift her hips higher, so her cunt was angled upwards, towards him, and while his tongue was teasing her clitoris his hands slid under her and began kneading her buttocks and stroking the inside of her thighs.
Then she felt his fingers slide inside her, but almost before she’d had a chance to cry out in pleasure, he withdrew them and started softly stroking her perineum. It felt amazing, but strange, no one had ever touched her there before, and amid the pleasure she also felt her body start to stiffen with anxiety. His fingers were so close to her arse, and she’d never let anyone touch her in there before, she’d never understood how anyone could feel pleasure in that. He noticed the change in her body, and he stopped, briefly, to look up at her and instruct ‘just relax babe, go with it’.
It was as if all she needed was to be given permission to do this, and after hearing his words she felt her body relax, she didn’t want this feeling to stop, ever. With his tongue playing so deliciously with her clitoris, and one hand kneading her right buttock, he then moved his fingers further back. As she felt him touch her anus, she started to tense up again, but with the sound of his voice murmuring from between her legs to relax, and the rush of new pleasurable sensations as he played with her arse, she felt herself melt into the sensual sensations of the moment and totally succumb to his touch. He continued working his magic with his fingers, tongue and breath until he knew, without a doubt, that she had been thoroughly satisfied.
As she lay there afterwards, so completely relaxed and sated, she again reached out to try and undo his jeans, she felt she absolutely had to return the favour. But he still wouldn’t let her. He said ‘This is how I wanted you, to see you completely consumed by pleasure, I reckon that arsehole of an ex boyfriend probably never bothered to do that for you, and you deserve to feel like a goddess’. Then he kissed her and left.
She spent the rest of the evening and the following week in a bit of a daze, as she kept getting the most delicious flashbacks of the new sensations that she had discovered her body was capable of experiencing. She knew, after being treated so beautifully that she never wanted to let her ex boyfriend touch her again. She wanted to feel pleasure, she knew she deserved to feel pleasure, and she made a commitment to herself never to settle for anything less again. She knew that what happened with Brian wouldn’t be an ongoing thing, they were worlds apart, despite the special moment they had shared. But she did feel like he had somehow released her to find someone who would treat her as if she was special, important and worthy of pleasure, desire, and perhaps one day, genuine love.
She continued going to the pub every Sunday, after that momentous night with Brian, for her catch ups with Paula and to hear the boys play, but Brian never offered her a lift again, nor did she ever ask for one again. None of their friends knew, and none of their friends guessed what had happened between them. And when someone did notice them sharing a special smile with each other every now and again, it was just put down to their good friendship. Only Susie and Brian knew, and it was their secret, to hold forever.
– Judi Reed, 2012